Bridget Clapham's Blog

Happiness and Success in mind on Facebook

2011-02-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

Do pop onto Facebook and join my new page. It is Keeping Happiness and Success in mind with Bridget Clapham and is there to share tips, quotes and ideas about Happiness and, you've guessed it, success!

We have over 100 members so far ranging from GCSE students to grown up folks from all areas of healthcare and business life.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Keeping-happiness-and-success-in-mind-with-Bridget-Clapham/170404099659502.

If the link doesn't work cut and paste to your browser or click on the link on the home page of my website by going to the top of the blog page!

I look forward to seeing you there!

Bridget

Maps of the world, some ideas and explanations

2011-02-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Maps of the world and perceptions of others and self!

I have summarised some of the main ideas about maps of the world and considered how they relate to the way that we live!

Each of us has and in fact operates from our own unique “map of the world”

This is formed from our:-

• values – the things that really matter to us in life
• beliefs
• attitudes
• past experiences
• current experience
• skills
• knowledge
• personality
• attributes
• qualities
• hopes and goals.

The map, however is not the territory (there is always more than just our map)

The great thing is that, every moment of every day, as we experience new situations and continue to learn, the map gets bigger! Whether we like it or not!

Filters

Whenever we experience anything, in order to make sense of all of the inputs, the brain performs 3 functions.

So,of all the inputs to our senses (too many for the brain to process), some are:-

Deleted
Distorted
Generalised

This helps our experience to make sense to us and to fit, to some degree with the map that we already have.

How we filter differently as unique human beings

We experience and filter our experiences through our own unique map.

This can be easily understood by comparing experiences e.g. of a holiday with another individual who has been to the same resort or a work colleague who has been in the same meeting with us for 2 hours.

Each will have filtered differently and will give different accounts!

Relating to others, socially and in a work context

When we get on well with people, relate well to them, feel comfortable with them, and like them it is because there is significant overlap between maps. We may share core values, beliefs and have had similar experiences. If we meet people where few of these are shared, it is less likely that we will get on as well! In every relationship we are effectively seeking out and adding to the overlap!

The maps of the people you like admire and easily relate to will to a great extent mirror your own.

Building rapport and engaging with people is important in order to build an understanding and appreciation of their maps.

Sometimes we can spend a great deal of time with someone at work or socially and yet be very out of touch with each others maps

NB. The skill of perceptual positioning is important here and is valuable to develop the ability to do this easily.

Communicating with someone else who has a different map!

Remember that they will be filtering differently to you! This is particularly relevant to communication!

What have you distorted, deleted and generalised?

What is the other person distorting, deleting and generalising?

This is another whole topic…and yet we can easily realise that it is a miracle perhaps that we ever communicate effectively!

It is crucial to refine skills purposefully as this reduces the huge potential for mis understanding and mis communication!

• Learning what is in our own maps and in those of others,
• Extending our own maps and
• Finding or creating overlap with others

…………is all useful in relating effectively and successfully to others.

Whether we are communicating in a work or more personal context, the potential for success is greatly increased when we pay attention to all of the above!

So, spend some time exploring your own map, what are the values that drive you and what richness is there? HOw is your own map expanding, celebrate what you are learning and how you are developing as the amazing "work in progress" that you are! Notice how big the overlap is with people you get on well with and ..... The next time you find it tricky to get on with someone, notice what is different in your maps and then look for the overlap. Start there and expand it, you'll get better results that way and have much more fun!!

Happy map reading

Bridget :-)

The power of words – Motivated to do things in 2011…or not?!

2011-01-05T04:12:00.000-08:00

So, here we are in 2011. Wow, it seems as though it was yesterday that I wrote a blog article and it was October. I must resolve to post more often in 2011.

I wonder if I will?

The “must” word is, for me, an indicator that, in fact, I will still post infrequently.

The words we use are powerful and influence our conscious and unconscious minds far more than we think. In NLP we call the group of words below Modal Operators. For our purposes, we can think of them as fascinating influences on feelings and ultimately on behaviour!

Experiment.

Think of something that you have decided to do…at some point. It can be something very grown up and important such as create a new strategy for marketing or something simple such as putting up a shelf or doing the ironing. The task in itself is secondary.

Now pay attention to the words you use when you think about this task.

You may say to yourself :-

• I must do…
• I should do…
• I ought to do…
• I may do…
• I might do…
• I could do…
• I’ll try to do
• I Will do…
• I can do…
• I’m going to do…

Notice how each of those statements has a different impact on how you feel and indeed on your motivation level to get the job done.

Which is the least motivating?

Many people find that should and ought are low in motivation and even trigger polarity feelings of resistance and negativity toward the task.

A recent client observed that when he used these words about finishing an important work document “It’s sort of like someone else, like an old teacher is telling me what I SHOULD do and I think B****KS Why should I ?!!!!”

“I’ll try” is an almost certain signpost to inaction and, for me personally, in the case of the ironing a certainty that clothes will remain crumpled.
When clients tell me they will try to use the tools that they have learned, we extend the session to explore why the word has been used and get to a point where a different one springs to mind!!

Think about it. If you ask a teenager to tidy their room and they tell you that they will try to do it before the end of the month, you sort of know it won’t happen!

The brain responds differently to different words and try seems to be a small, innocent 3 letter word that gets the internal gremlins responding with “ Yeah, right, so THAT’S really going to happen then… NOT !”

How about you? Notice a similar effect?

Increased motivation?

Words such as could and might, for many people, increase the possibility of the job being done. Clients comment that they feel more in control and confident when they use these words.

The words that work best for me…. And it IS personal are “Will , can and top of my list…I’m going to!”

When I say to myself “I’m going to do the ironing….” its a done deal and I’m on my way, it is certain, already in motion somehow and feels strong and definite! Ironing, here I come.

Be mindful of the words you use on the inside, in your own thoughts, and on the outside when communicating with others. If part of your role is to motivate others, notice the impact of different words on first of all your, and then their state and on their behaviours.

Above all have fun with the power of words in 2011 !

So, where was I, ah yes, blogging in 2011, I’m going to post more often.

Now watch this space!

The joy of change work!

2010-10-05T10:50:00.000-07:00

Today I experienced what can only be described as authentic and total satisfaction and a renewed conviction that I have what is, for me, the best job/role/way of earning a living that exists on the planet.

Whilst I spend a great deal of my time working with leaders and mangers in corporate land, I also have a private practice where anyone can come to work with me to achieve positive changes.

Today a lovely young lady came to see me with a dog phobia which had affected her life in many challenging ways.

Needless to say she left without it!

I put all that I have learned about human behaviour in 30 years of working with people together with some of the amazing techniques that emerged and evolve in the field of NLP and within a very short period of time, the young lady was sitting on the floor in my kitchen, playing with and stroking and wondering at the beauty of Bonny, our Golden Retriever.

There was a mixture of reframing, of belief change, of strategy elicitation and reprogramming with some fabulous state management and hey presto, in a very conversational and relaxed way, with lots of laughter, profound changes occurred.

The smile on her face as she played with Bonny and exclaimed. I can't believe I am doing this....look at me!!!!" was a joy to behold. I'm not sure who had the sunniest smile!!!

Thanks to phone technology she has photos to show her friends and family and may even change her FB profile picture ( Bonny has always wanted a modelling career!)

Anyone else got a fear or phobia they would like to be rid of?

It would be a privilege and a pleasure!

Bridget
Keeping your success in mind!

A Level Rollercoaster- what next?

2010-08-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

As I write this I am aware of all those on the academic rollercoaster around A level results.

It's an emotional ride as those who have ridden before or are currently on board can experience. If it were at a theme park there would be a noticeable lack of people in the queue I'm guessing.

Some have a great ride filled with fabulous adrenaline rushes and amazing feelings and get off filled with anticipation about the next attraction! For many this will be university and for those who had a great experience of the A level Rollercoaster, they will have a fast pass that ensures them a place on the university ride of their choice. Parents will be proud and relieved and teachers will be proud and satisfied that the ride was positive for the students.

Other young people have a less positive experience of the A level rollercoaster. they get off at the end, feeling that they queued endlessly and committed to the ride yet had a horrendous time and have ended up disappointed, disillusioned and with a whirl of negative adrenaline feelings of anxiety, fear and panic.

For these students there is no fast pass to the university ride of choice. They may have to settle for a university ride that they had never seriously thought of going on or have to wait endlessly in queues for rides which they know nothing about.

These students need support and help to plan which queue to join and what choices to make.

For many of these students it is worth calling the Uni that was first choice just to see whether they can get in without the fast pass. It does happen!

Schools and colleges can be of help. The teachers who know the students well can help them negotiate through initial choices and come up with a plan which at least shows them which rides are open to them.

UCAS has a helpline and connexions are excellent at exploring options with students.

Parents are hugely important in helping their children keep perspective, stay calm and negotiate the rest of the experience with a sense of confidence and positivity.

So, if you know someone who has just got off the A level Rollercoaster, be supportive and positive whatever their experience and help to make sure that whatever happens next, they realise that there is a world filled with opportunities just waiting for them, when they are ready to see!

If you want to involve an experienced and specialist coach in helping a student to explore ideas and make choices, give me a call on 07703552174.

Wishing each and every student success and happiness so that they can look back on the ride as having been worth the wait and effort!

Bridget

Freedom to be

2010-08-13T07:06:00.001-07:00

Some may notice a paradox in the existence of this post!

We have just returned from 2 weeks blissful time out in Turkey- Lovely Villa, great pool, great food and company.

The only form of communication was personal!! We decided to make the holiday a social networking/internet free zone. So, no Twitter, no blogs, no facebook ( how did the girls cope??!!) no on line, no TV, no DVDs, no email.

So I hear you gasp in horror what on earth did you do? Two parents and two teenage girls.

We talked, we laughed, we told stories, we told jokes ( badly) we played cards, we played games, we sunbathed, we swam and we read , oh how we read!!

Did we miss our electronic gadgets and communications? Not one bit.

The other thing that I found was that I had space, time to think!

Time to just be......

Now we are back and modern technology has returned, well, as you can see I am blogging!

Mind you, what I realised, whilst in my techno free cocoon is that I can create it anywhere and at any time. We get so used to automatically using the technology that I think we sometimes forget that there is life and indeed a rich life without it from time to time!

I for one will be choosing to switch off the technology more often.

Just off to get my book!

Have a great weekend

Bridget :-)

Grand Prix metaphors and managing pressure to avoid stress!

2010-07-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

Whilst working with a very stressed client a powerful metaphor occured to me. The client loves motorsport ( important fact the value of which will become clear)

The client was anxious, having trouble sleeping and looping around in very negative thinking patterns about work. His level of self confidence was rock bottom. High levels of performance were being expected of him and he was working 15 hour days ( yes 15 hours) and taking work home at evenings and weekends. This enabled him just about to keep his head above water although he was exhausted, knew his performance was slipping and yet could see no way out.

He agreed with my analogy , on the hamster wheel and going too fast to think about ways to slow it down or get off!

Work life balance- NONE!

I coached him using various NLP tools and techniques to eneble him to regain a sense of control an dindeed to experience one such as he had never done before.

To begin with his own panicky internal dialogue was so loud most of what I said was lost.

So-- I talked about Formula 1, Grand Prix and his love of and passion for motorsport. He lit up as he talked about drivers, circuits and cars! All of which I happily admitted I knew very little about yet was pleased that his endorphin levels were increasing and his brain chemistry was changing before my very eyes!

We talked about the intricacy of these high performance cars and the sophisticated engineering, the care and attention and skill that is needed to build and importantly to maintain them.

Servicing is vital and attention paid to every nut bolt, tyre and panel. They are nurtured and serviced before a race and then during, pit stops are of paramount importance to make sure that the car is performing to it's highest level.

At this point I said, so, and back to you then!

He smiled as the light bulb went on!

Now we could move forward!

Have you had your pit stop today?

Enjoy your week

Bridget

Progress on Twitter

2010-07-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

Well so here we are in July....I hope you are enjoying summer so far. Mind you it does seem to have rather disappeared. Gales and rain and cold. Hmmmm.... Maybe I hibernated and it is REALLY October?

I have been getting used to tweeting. You can find me @bridgetclapham and can follow by simply pressing the link at the side of this blog.

You will find that @bridgetclapham I tweet about success in general and tweets often have a leadership or personal theme

Or, if you are a student look up @examconfidence for tweets about study and exam success. Spread the word!

I am learning all the time and have fun "meeting people from all over the globe" in Twitter land!

There are lots of great quotes and thoughts to get you thinking.Mind you confining myself to 140 characters is tricky! Still working out how to use it properly, the abbreviations are never ending!!

Look me up and tweet!

Bridget :-)

Transition to secondary school-an adult perspective

2010-07-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

First day at secondary school and parallels in adult life.

What would it be like?

This article was written five years ago when my daughter started at secondary school.

It received hundreds of views online and the feedback was that it helped many adults to support their 11year olds with greater understanding!

If teachers could read it, it may also affect their approach! I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think!! I would appreciate your feedback

First day at secondary school.

I remember mine, most of it is a blur, fast and furious but my main memory is that I missed the bus home. I was in the bus layby, one minute surrounded by hundreds of children, most were bigger than me and all seemed to know exactly where to go and which of the many buses to stride and push towards.

The next minute, after a whirl of activity, I was alone—no buses and no other kids.

Just me!

No mobile phone and no idea what to do, just an overwhelming feeling of being very lost and vulnerable. I sat on the pavement and whilst thinking what to do next in my best Girl Guide "Be Prepared" way, a kindly teacher came and asked if I was alright—sort of rhetorical I suppose!!

The kindly teacher took me home in her car and handed me over to Mum who had hot tea and scones ready to eat whilst I told my adventures of the day!
(Very Enid Blyton perhaps but nevertheless true!)

When I wrote this it was my daughter's turn to start secondary school. Quite an adventure:

Think of it in adult terms, what would be a parallel situation for us now?

Imagine the following: ------

You have just left a small and friendly company where you have worked for the last 6-7 years. You knew everyone in your team and largely reported to just one manager at a time. (Rotating managers on a yearly basis)

You were one of the most senior and experienced people in the organisation.

Now…

You start at a new company/organisation with 150 other new starters on the same day (some orientation programme!)

You are put in a team with 29 other new starters (no established employees to show you the ropes!)

There is no appointed leader in the team of 30.

Everyone is uncertain about where to be for each of the 7 meetings during the day.

Each and every day you have scheduled meetings with 7 different managers, all of whom you have to report to, on the first day.

Some managers seem kind yet others are very unapproachable. Some talk kindly and others shout at you and your new colleagues.

You are scheduled to meet many more managers tomorrow.

Each manager has different expectations of you of which you are uncertain and has a separate project for you to work on.

Several projects are in subject areas that you are completely unfamiliar with.

You will be juggling around 11-13 different projects continually for the next 5 years with little choice about specialism.

Several managers give you work to do at home before the next meeting with the threat of repercussions if you don't deliver. (What happened to work life balance?).

You are told that several managers will expect a considerable amount of work to be carried out during each period of your annual leave.

Some of your colleagues seem great but some don't and you don't get to choose who to work with.

Each manager decides to group you with a different set of colleagues from the choice of 30.

You finish the day with very mixed feelings and are exhausted, get home and have to get your head around the 2-3 pieces of work that have been set by different managers all of which have to be completed that evening.

Wow!

Some of the companies and organisations we may have worked for as adults may fit this scenario (did you stay long?) but the last time this happened to many of us, we would have been, like my daughter, just 11 years old.

If you are the parent of an 11 year old who is starting secondary school this year, plan ways to support them and have some fun with him/her!!

He/she is or will be experiencing one of the biggest changes they will ever experience.

I wonder what we can learn from them?!

Bridget Clapham

BSc Hons Psychology. Dip Ed. RGN.
Master Practitioner and Licensed Trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming.
Mum!

Meatballs and metaphors

2010-05-04T07:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome to May everyone! Here is a recent article of mine published in the Society of NLP newsletter for May 2010.

http://www.nlp-newsletter.com/articles/#BC

Whilst assisting on the Mastering Advanced Techniques seminar with Richard Bandler and John La Valle recently we had a rare and unexpected treat.

"A flash of genius from Richard or yet more inspired linguistic sleight of mouth from John?" I hear you ask?

Those were indeed key ingredients throughout the three days yet as a privileged member of the assisting team we are frequent witnesses to such magic so would hardly classify those particular treats as rare!!

No. What I'm, talking about is something else entirely as those of you who follow John or team members on a popular networking site will know.

Over lunch one day, the team were captivated by La Valle talking about his love of cooking. As a boy he learned from other family members, Grandma, mother and father and is now (we have yet to taste the evidence) an accomplished cook, chef, preparer of delicious food!!

So, he learned from those who had skill and modeled the excellence of senior La Valles' . . . an NLP student before he even knew it!!

Nowadays he talks with passion about cooking and, as with what both John, Richard, Kathleen and we, the trainers that they have trained, teach about NLP . . . it's all in the detail!

It occurred to me as he was talking and, when I later reflected, that within John's explanations and stories about cooking was the most wonderful metaphor.
I invite you to join me in exploring it now, in relation to working with personal or corporate clients and using and applying the knowledge and skills of NLP.

Back to the cooking or maybe not!?

You firstly decide what you are making… what you want (the meatballs sounded sublime!) You consider and imagine what they will look like, taste like, smell like and how it will be to enjoy them. You imagine the difference that this dish will make to the whole meal and the expressions on the faces of friends and family as they enjoy the dish. Even the thought of that finds you with the same expression on your face and as you enjoy experiencing that wonderful and delicious feeling, even before you start working with the ingredients!!

Then you look at what ingredients you have gathered to work with, knowing the phenomenal potential of each and every one and how they can work in combination to create just the right result. Then decide on how you work with them, step by step to transform them into the finished product that will be oh, so good and perhaps even unrecognisable from the raw ingredients that are in front of you as you begin.

There is no particular set recipe to follow when you cook the La Valle way and much essential learning is done through creative experimentation.

If what you are cooking doesn't turn out, make a change in what you are doing . . . add something, take something out and . . . next time, do it in which ever way gets the best result. Each time you cook, you apply what you learned last time and before you know where you are you have some excellence going on in the kitchen.

You also get to learn that ingredients don't always behave in the same way . . . onions can be strong or less so, tomatoes ripe or just a little bitter. So, you become even more creative and flexible. You begin to trust that what you know already, combined with your intuitive ability, will guide you to know just what is needed to get great results whilst at the same time being aware that each dish is unique!!

When I thought about how John had spoken about the art of preparing food, it occurred to me that when cooking, at every stage, it matters so much that you pay attention to the detail of what you are seeing, hearing and sensing in other ways.

You need to notice exactly how, at every stage in the process, the raw ingredients that you started with are changing as a result of what you are doing. Know just what to chop and change and get to recognise the precise moment when you will get maximum effect from adding a little extra something into the pot!

Also, notice that, although you may be tempted to add a little more of something or to stir up a little, there are times when you need to step back and leave well alone.

Simple is good. Less is often more.

All great chefs love to taste and check and this is not necessarily a sign of just greed! When cooking it is important to pay attention and to test your work at all stages

Notice what you notice, use all of your senses and pay attention to the detail so that you can judge just exactly when the dish is perfectly cooked!

Now I wonder just how much of the above is relevant to those of us who work with clients? There are many obvious aspects that are missing (yes, I know human beings are different to onions - be more creative!) yet, I invite you to enjoy playing with the metaphor.

I have and I keep finding more ways to develop it!

©2010 Bridget Clapham
Keeping your success in mind

Exam success without the Exam Stress:- a guide for parents

2010-04-21T03:34:00.000-07:00

Exam Success without the Exam Stress.

Supporting your son/daughter through exams.© Copyright Bridget Clapham 2010

Bridget Clapham is an performance and exam success coach who enjoys working with students of all ages so that they can achieve their potential in exams, auditions and interviews.

For information visit www.bridgetclapham.co.uk or call 01869 277348 to discuss exam success or interview coaching. You can also follow Bridget on Twitter bridgetclapham

Celebrating exam success is fabulous for the student as well as for the teachers who have taught them and we, the parents who have supported and shared the exam journey with them. To open the results letter and see successful grades jump out from the paper brings, for the student, and also for parents, a mixture of feelings from relief, excitement, joy, exhilaration, confidence and pride.

We invest in our children's education in the belief that we are enabling them to reach their potential. However the school, its teachers and the students are not the only vital ingredients in the recipe of exam success. Parents also play a crucial role.

Our children in the UK are the most consistently and highly assessed children in the world today. Many children feel pressurised to achieve highly and increasing numbers of young people are suffering every year from stress related symptoms and health problems relating to the pressure of exams. Childline recently reported a 50% rise in the number of calls and increasingly GPs are prescribing medication for teenagers who are stressed and overwhelmed by exams.

ChildLine’s Chief Executive, Carole Easton, said:

"Exam stress affects almost every child at some point in their education and we are hearing from hundreds of children at this time of year who are struggling to cope with the pressure they are under. It is vital to reassure children that there is life after exams, that they are not the only route to success, and that they will still be loved and valued no matter how they perform"

So- how can our children achieve success without the stress? What can we do to help them to manage the pressure and confidently reach their potential?

This is a huge topic area but here are a few proven suggestions to get you started.

Quotes from GCSE and sixth form teenagers are in italics.

Help your child find the inspiration to do well.

“Study and revision — no thanks!”

Many teenagers, when asked about GCSE, AS and A levels find them as inspiring as wading through mud in concrete boots! You may remember that feeling!!!

Help your child see beyond the exams to the future opportunities that their success will bring.

Help them understand that each exam is the equivalent of a stepping stone or a key to get them to the next level.

The more keys they have, the more choices they will have about which doors to open for their future!

Make sure that you and your child share a view on what their success looks like!

Sometimes as parents we have visions of success which don’t match those of our children, or their teachers.

“Whatever I do isn’t good enough for my parents. They want me to get A stars and I’m just not an A Star student.” GCSE student.

Being interested in what your child is learning as well as being supportive and encouraging is far more valuable than setting unrealistic, stressful targets for your child.

Talk with them and with teachers about their potential success. For some children success is A or A star, for others it is a C or D grade.

Celebrate the potential of YOUR child and encourage them to reach it!

Make the most of resources.

“My Mum has bought every study guide published. I’m surrounded by them and I don’t know where to start!!”

This is a common one. there is still time so, check with teachers which revision guides and websites are most suited to the syllabus that your child is studying for each subject.

Check with your child which approved guide suits their style best!

Encourage your child to ask teachers if unsure. Use the subject experts!

Make sure that there is a comfortable area in which to study and that the environment is well equipped.

If possible keep study separate from your child's bedroom. Switching off and relaxing is important!

Mindset Matters

“I wish I felt more confident about my exams” A Level student

Confidence and self belief are vital to success. Talk with your child about what is going well, praise and encourage their efforts and think of ways that you can boost their confidence whilst studying and doing exams. Make sure that you celebrate every achievement along the way.

Talk to teachers if you feel that more confidence is needed. Your child may be presenting a different persona at school from the one you experience at home and teachers will help once they are aware there is a need.

After every exam get your child to focus on what they COULD answer and what they thought went well. Encourage them to be the best they can be. That's all anyone can ever ask!!

A positive mindset matters

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t---you’re probably right.” Henry Ford.

Organisation and planning

“My time just disappears I spend hours planning and not enough time doing” GCSE student.

Help your child devise a study timetable and then, importantly to stick to it!!

Find out what help students are having with revision techniques. Some children lack skills in HOW to revise.

Encourage revision in small chunks broken up by something fun or relaxing.

Make sure your child is aware of the different ways to revise- study guides, mind mapping, past papers and on line quizzes and resources all add variety.

Help your child work out which best suits their learning and study style.

Balance.

“Nothing but work, work, work. My Dad rings me every night to check how much I’ve done” GCSE student of divorced parents.

Balance is important. Encourage your child to plan breaks as well as study.
Learning and memory function is reduced when stress levels are high. The brain chemistry associated with stress and anxiety is not conducive to feeling good or to focus, study, and memory or recall function.

Fun and relaxation create endorphins- the body’s “happy hormones” and brain function improves on many levels. Fun and relaxation thus create a great balance to study and the student can return refreshed with something else always to look forward to!

Ensure that they are sleeping well and eating healthily.

Plan something to look forward to during study and after the exams!

In conclusion,

As parents we may not be curriculum experts but through the love that we have for our children we can do a great deal to support them through the pressure of exams, and encourage and guide them on their way to success.

Do message me via the blog, via Twitter bridgetclapham or via my website on www.bridgetclapham.co.uk

Simon Mayo and sympathy for parents of GCSE students!

2010-04-21T03:15:00.001-07:00

I see from Simon's tweet this morning that he wants sympathy for all suffering parents of GCSE students.

Sympathy can be useful sometimes! I hope you find the next blog of additional benefit at a time when our children are doing GCSE AS and A levels, we can play a stronger role and be of more support than we realise.

It is an article that I wrote that gives hints and tips to parents on how to help our children achieve and celebrate their success without Exam Stress

Email me via my website about it or tweet me! Let me know how helpful it is as an article or what else you as parents need to support your sons and daughters through the challenges of exam time!

Bridget on Twitter

2010-04-21T03:12:00.000-07:00

Hi all. I am pleased to announce that I have taken another firm step into the 21st century and am now on Twitter.

Look for bridgetclapham ( sort of makes sense really!!)

I am getting used to confining myself to 140 characters-- very tricky for someone who likes to say a lot!!

Feel free to follow and tweet me!

Bridget
Keeping your success in mind!

Back on the blog

2010-04-21T03:08:00.000-07:00

Dear All,

Apologies for the temporary silence. Variety of reasons including PC probs! Can email and Twitter on my phone and will have to learn how to blog from it which I guess must be possible!

I am back!

Lots to blog about so watch this space!

Best wishes to all

Bridget

Exam Success- and chocolate!

2010-04-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

As the Easter holidays approach there are thoughts of taking a break, chocolate, eggs, chocolate, time with family, chocolate, time with friends, oh and did I mention chocolate!?

There is also, for many thousands of students at school and at University, and also for their parents, an increasing awareness that coursework deadlines and exams are approaching!!!

I am getting emails from students and from parents via my website asking for tips and hints on how to get motivated to study, how to deal with exam anxiety and how to work in a way that will get the best grades possible.

As you may or may not know, this is an area of long standing interest and passion for me. The potential for each of us when we are a student to exceed expectations is phenomenal and yet often goes unrecognised, unawakened and unrealised.

Over the next weeks I shall post some great hints and tips for success in and amongst other posts. I do aim to answer all emails personally. If there are a lot on one subject a blog may be the best way to respond.

If there are any areas that particularly concern you as a student or parent,or requests for blog subjects around overcoming exam stress to achieve exam success, do email me on bridget@bridgetclapham.co.uk and I will get back to you.

For now check out my website page on exam success. Just click at the top of the blog page and the link will take you straight there. You can also email me via the link on the page.

Enjoy the chocolate and start planning for the exam success!!!

Bridget
Keeping your success in mind

Quote of the day

2010-03-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

Whilst I enjoy writing for my blog, I have decided to also use my blog to share some quotes from some of the good and great. I will choose ones which I personally find inspirational, funny, motivational or, for what ever reason, excellent! Feel free to point us all in the direction of your own favourites as well.

Here's one from Dale Carnegie to start with.

“It isn't what you have,
or who you are,
or where you are,
or what you are doing
that makes you happy or unhappy.

It is what you think about.”

Dale Carnegie

How true!!!

Time warp

2010-03-29T07:16:00.001-07:00

Having just posted a blog I am amazed at the amount of time that has passed since the last one! Talk about time distortion, it only seemed a week or so since I was last posting.

I totally admire those who post daily! For me a monthly post with the occasional "Thought or quote for the Day" is much more realistic and suits my life and workstyle.

I am working on a couple of great projects in addition to seeing my corporate and private clients. This limits my time for writing so apologies to those of you you have emailed me to ask if I had stopped blogging!

Perish the thought!! You did prompt me to action though!! The previous blog about the inner voice was an article I wrote for the purenlp journal and was published in February so it makes sense to also publish in my own blog!

Thank you all for your interest.

You can comment on the blogs or email me via the website links at the top of the blogpage. Keeps me on my toes!

Have a great week everyone :-)

Bridget

The Still Small Voice Within

2010-03-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

The still or not so still, small or not so small voice within!!

Tyrant or friend

"The only tyrant I accept in the world
is the still small voice within me"---

Mahatma Gandhi.

Maybe he accepted it because Ghandi realised that he had the power to change it!! Or perhaps he knew that he had the choice of how much attention he paid to it? So, what do we do with the still small voice within?

Our inner dialogue or self talk is hugely powerful and influences us in a powerful way, moment to moment. Our state in any moment is influenced hugely by what we are listening to and not just the words. The WAY we are talking to ourselves has more impact than the words we are listening to.

Years ago, when I was teaching communication skills to Doctors and Nurses I always emphasised the importance of tonality pace etc as being crucial to the meaning of the message when communicating to another individual. When I ran programmes about Stress management and Resilience I did teach about self talk and still I admit focussed mainly on the what of what we are saying to ourselves!! A little on the how yet way too little!!!

It was, however, only when I sat in a room with 750 others as an NLP Practitioner delegate and learned from Richard Bandler about the power of submodalities that the learning really took off for me!!

Those skill drills eliciting submodalities were so important and exercises in changing them were truly lessons in driving the bus as Richard would say!!

I am guessing that, at times, we can all identify with the Tyrant concept that Ghandi referred to.

Sometimes that inner voice is anything BUT still and small it can be downright loud, destructive, tyrannical even and certainly can lead us to feelings of depression, guilt, anger, frustration, panic fear ,anxiety and other states far removed from and overwhelmingly different from the happiness and freedom available within.

When we talk to ourselves in positive words matched with a positive tonality and get the pitch, volume and inner smile in the voice, boy does it feel different!

Much of my work with clients in and outside corporate land is around giving people tools with which to achieve more joy… one of those sets of tools is about managing their voice within!

Below is a summary of what they and I learn and practice!

Firstly to pay attention to and to notice how you are feeling and tune in to your inner voice as if tuning into a radio!!!

1. Notice the inner dialogue

2. Pay attention to what it is saying

3. Notice HOW you are hearing the voice, is it gentle soothing, encouraging, supportive or sarcastic, belittling, frightened or sad?

4. Consider what that voice may be getting you to pay attention to and act upon? (Remember there will be a positive intention tricky tho it may be to discern!!) .

5. If the voice is useful and you are feeling great, keep going and do more of it!! Ramp it up!!!

6. If it isn’t getting you to feel the way you need to in the situation take action.

After all, there isn’t really anyone there (truly!!) just a set of neural pathways firing off ---electrical activity represented as a voice.

For many clients, corporate and private, this in itself is enough to get them to take control! They can picture a set off pathways and the electrical activity and imagine putting a block in so that the pathway can’t fire off in the same way any more.

Cool!!

If the voice persists there are several techniques which, if you are a practitioner of NLP you will be aware of.

I often tell the story of a client Ryan who learned how to have better conversations in his head with fabulous results for his happiness and achievement.

Ryan was 10 years old when I worked with him.

His father called me and told me that Ryan had a promising tennis career and yet had “lost all of his confidence” He had become anxious increasingly worried and had become fearful about playing matches. Whilst he was fine in training he had lost every match in recent weeks. Could I help?

I wanted first to elicit whether I was talking to a father who had sights set on a Grand Slam Title and whether Ryan was a reluctant to climb up the tennis ladder. A quick chat to Ryan convinced me. The young man LOVED his tennis and wanted to enjoy his matches and to win again.

Ryan and I worked together once and kept in touch by phone.

This young man had developed a very critical, frustrated, irritated, superior and aggressive inner voice.

“ You are useless at Tennis, the other boy will be better than you, you will miss all your shots, you may as well give up, you’re a useless failure” Those were just a few of the hypnotic suggestions he was bathing in on a daily basis!

He wanted to enjoy his tennis, feel happy confident and motivated to win with a lovely mix of excitement and anticipation before and during his matches. He wanted the feeling of winning, success and celebration back!!

Mastering his inner voice was the key to him achieving his desired change. We did other things too yet the major shift came when he changed his inner dialogue!

I gave him several tools with which to do this. The one he like best and used the most was imagining he was listening to a track on his Ipod and simply changing tracks!! After all, why would he listen to something that was making him feel bad!?

I then asked him to imagine tuning to a different track, an audio book yet that didn’t seem to help.

We had been talking about favourite Tennis players, TV shows movies etc so I seized an idea (the client will always provide the answer!!)

I asked him to create his own inner confidence coach and to imagine what that person would say to him about his tennis... I suggested his favourite player and many times Grand Slam Champion (mistake Bridget, too directive, remember the rules!) and he said, very cutely

“Do I have to have a tennis player?”

No” I said, it’s your brain, you can have whoever you like!!”

“I know who I will have” he said suddenly and, as he did so his whole physiology changed. He sat up tall, smiled and I knew the change we were waiting for had happened!!!

“Who will you have then?” I asked.

“Mr T” he said!!! (What a fabulous coach strong, solid, confident and BIG!!!)

“Fantastic” says Bridget—“fabulous coach after all he only deals with the A team”.

Ryan who was on a roll then said “Is it OK if I have two?”

“Who else have you got on your team now then”I asked “Rocky“ grinned Ryan!!! And got even taller if that was possible!

I got him to close his eyes and imagine walking in court Mr T on one side Rocky on the other with Eye of the Tiger blaring through the speakers and ----job done!

We did some great visualisations, more work on building great states and then,….off he went head held high and brimming with confidence and a great big smile.

He started to win his matches again and, whilst he may or may not become a Grand Slam Champion, he now has an idea and a sense of what it could feel like!!

Inner tyrant to Inspirational inner coach in a short session!

Ryan’s story has inspired many of my adult clients both private and at CEO and Director level in corporate land. Whilst the tyrant may well pop up from time to time, it’s good to remember who is in charge!

Happy New Year. Resolution time, the recipe for successful change!

2010-01-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

Happy 2010 to you all!

So, it’s that time of year again. A new year, in fact decade stretches before us and traditionally we take time to reflect on the positive changes that we would like to make to life and lifestyle. Resolutions, goals, aims, outcomes, new beginnings!

Have you made any, keeping to them, anticipating success? I thought that at the start of the New Year it would be good to review some ingredients which, if in the recipe for change, will heighten success rates! Sort of like the final result looking something like the picture in the recipe book as opposed to something from another planet!

Most people when cooking actually like to have a picture to know what they are aiming at, some messages there about the importance of visualisation I think!

Those of you reading who have some knowledge of NLP may be familiar with the concept of the Well formed outcome. If so here is a review. If you are new to NLP, I hope that this will be a useful list of ingredients!

• The outcome - or goal, should be stated in the positive.
•
• Check that the achievement of the outcome is actually within your control?
•
• Check that you have the resources to achieve what you are wanting or that you can access them.
•
• Be clear about what the achievement of this outcome will do for you? What will be better and how?
•
• Think about what might stop you achieving this outcome? What, if anything has stopped you before? Are there any benefits to not achieving this? How do they compare to the benefits of achieving?!!!
•
• How will you know when you have achieved this outcome? What will you see, hear, and feel ….What evidence will you use to let you know that you are achieving this outcome?
•
• How will achieving this affect other areas of your life? This is known as the ecology check in NLP.
•
• What is the first step you will take towards achieving the outcome or goal?

It is important to work through this list as many times as necessary in order to refine the goal, resolution or outcome until you can be confident that you have the right ingredients for change. The ingredients create the recipe for change, so be sure about what you are creating!!!!

I worked with a client last year who wanted to write a book. He worked through the questions positively and well until getting stuck at the ecology check.

Taking time out to write and renting a cottage by the sea to do this was a perfect plan until he really considered the impact on his young family. Although his wife was, in theory supportive, when he stopped to think of the real implications and extra pressure on her of being the sole bread winner and managing a young family for long periods alone, he reshaped the goal.

What had seemed, originally, an ideal plan was reshaped into something more workable that, I am pleased to say is working well with relationships all intact!!!

So, use the check list and let me know how you get on with shaping your resolutions. It really is worth taking the time to ensure the ingredients are right before starting to create a growing selection of dishes for 2010.

Have fun and enjoy creating your recipes for success!

Bridget January 2010

The origins and impact of state

2009-11-16T02:38:00.000-08:00

Many people have asked for a review of some of NLP basics so a good place to start is with state!

Remember that in any situation it is our state that drives all of our behaviour.

You have “programmes” for a whole range of states already inside the amazing computer that is your mind!!

It is important that at any given time, in any situation, we can choose the most appropriate state. If we are feeling worried and anxious, this will be show in our behaviour Quite logical really!!!!

If calm, positive and confident are more appropriate ways to be………..there are ways to achieve this!

In any given situation, decide which state is appropriate to enable you to achieve your outcome.

There are many ways to access lovely resourceful states, your brain knows how to do it!

To refresh your memory:-

The factors that impact state are…

• Internal dialogue

What we are saying to ourselves in our heads (thoughts!)

Pay attention to tone of voice, speed and volume here—they matter!!!

• The images that we are looking at inside our heads! The pictures and movies our brains create.
E.g. Point your brain in the right direction by directing powerful movies of yourself at your best!!

• Our physiology (what our bodies are doing e.g. chemistry and posture.)

E.g. Brain juice is fundamental here. Make sure it is endorphin rich!!!

Shallow and rapid breathing is associated with tension, by changing the breathing or the posture we get to change the state!! Clever!!

When you have a state that is not appropriate do your own detective work—
Ask yourself “How am I doing this?” ( because you are!!!!) then change it!

From the work of Richard Bandler and others there is a wealth of NLP knowledge and a vast array of tools and techniques for managing state.

Watch this space for tips and techniques and do comment on those you personally love!!!

Bridget

Bridget's blog now linked to website!

2009-11-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

I am getting so adept now at this world of IT!!

My fantastic webdesign guy Cliff Taylor www.annwebcom.co.uk has made link between my blog and my website so hopefully many more people will visit both!

Welcome!

If you are here and yet to visit my website go to www.bridgetclapham.co.uk and take a look around.

Welcome and congratulations to 17 new NLP practitioners

2009-11-09T10:41:00.000-08:00

I have had, over the last month, the total pleasure of working alongside my very talented friend and colleague Helen Golstein to train 17 curious and skilled individuals in the fundamentals , knowledge and skills of NLP.

I am proud to say that all 17 are now fully fledged NLP Practitioners, licensed by The Society of NLP and can look forward to receiving their certification signed by Dr Richard Bandler himself!!

The programme was fun and packed with so much learning that there were enough lightbulb moments to light a small city--maybe a big one!!!

We are now busy planning the next programme and some fantastic Practice Development days for those that have just trained with us.

Onwards and upwards!!!

Links to some of the great names in NLP today

2009-11-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

I am fortunate to be able to work with and learn from some amazingly talented and skilled individuals. Here are just a few with links to their sites.

For up to date information on what Dr Richard Bandler-co creator of NLP and John La Valle, President of the Society of NLP are up to visit www.purenlp.com. Here you will find details of books,articles, other weblinks and Richard and John's worldwide training schedule.

For a rich resource site full of great coaching tips click into Michael Neill's site here at www.geniuscatalyst.com . YOu can sign up for daily or weekly coaching tips and find out about the programmes and courses that Michael is running or recommending. This is a fabulous site full of free NLP resources!!!

Paul Mckenna spends much of his time in the US now. He visits the UK several times a year and continues to write fabulous books that are rich in NLP resources. Visit www.paulmckenna.com to find out more.

Helen Golstein is a highly skilled and wonderful Master Practitioner and Trainer in NLP whom I am proud to call my friend and colleague. Visit her site on www.nlpcoachingforchange.co.uk

Enjoy exploring the sites above. I hope that they are useful!!!

To find out more about me and the work I do, visit my site on www.bridgetclapham.co.uk

The Power of it. Bridget Clapham NLP article from purenlp May 09

2009-11-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

The Power of it!
( Who is driving the bus?)

A client ( Ian ) rang recently to book a follow up session as he wanted to “top up” and review work we had done earlier in the year.

“I need to come and see you again…the problem is---it’s stopped working!”

“Ooooooh”, I said — and then followed up with – “what exactly has stopped working?”

“The NLP” he said in earnest.

“The thing is after I saw you before, things were so much better. I felt more confident, much more positive and I was achieving an amazing amount. I was happier and getting so much done as well as having more fun. Problem is, as I said, it has stopped working. Things have slipped back to more how they used to be. I can’t understand what’s happened.”

When I had worked with Ian earlier in the year he had made amazing changes. He had had habits of focusing on the negative, listening to an unhelpful critical and demeaning internal dialogue and, much of the time, making crappy pictures of past, present and future. This had resulted in him feeling unhappy, drifting along without a sense of achievement and having difficulties relating to others in personal and professional life. In short he had felt stuck.

Through working together for just a couple of coaching sessions, he firstly identified what it was he wanted (he had never really thought about that one before!!) and had started using some fabulous NLP tools to run his brain better with great effects.

He had, as I remembered, been amazed that, in such a short space of time, he could make so many positive changes. He was happier, liked himself more, had more focus was experiencing better relationships with people and he had started getting great results at work.

All my clients get a manual for change which is a personal summary of the tools and techniques that they have learned and are using with great effects. It serves as a personal “Highway Code” and “Bus Driving Manual” to help them continue the work they have begun with me.

The concern that I had had at the time was that Ian hadn’t quite got the message that it was his brain to run and that the choices and the tools were his to make and use for the duration.

When he rang, I suspected that Ian, having learned that he could be a better driver of his bus, had put the manual to the back of his mind where it was gathering dust as old routes were being revisited as he slipped back into old habits.

So, with his surprised exclamation that “It has stopped working” Here was the evidence that led me to suspect that he had indeed slipped back into old habits, was making different choices and, in short, needed reminding that he was driving the bus!

He came to the session full of curiosity and a degree of confusion about why the NLP wasn’t working any more and a strong desire to get it working again!

Before we started (?!) I was chatting (?!) to Ian about various things and showed him the digital photo frame I had been given for my recent birthday.
The thing was still in the box up on the shelf, because, although I had had the instructions, I couldn’t find the sheet and so the technology was sitting there unused. He is a technical guy and kindly offered to set it up for me. I thanked him yet asked him, instead, to show me later how to do set it up so that I could do it for myself in the future and change things when I needed to!

I apologised for digressing and we got started!

This is a remembered transcript of selected parts of the rest of the session! I have missed lots out as I wanted to focus on the major learning! I wanted him to work out for himself the true nature of “it”.

Ian “I can’t understand it. Things were going so well and life was so much better. In between our sessions and for a couple of months afterwards everything was great but it has definitely stopped working so here I am!”
This is a common problem where people fail to realise that NLP itself is a nominalization.
B “So, what is it that has stopped working Ian?”

Ian Very serious………“The NLP.”

( I asked Ian how he knew this and he talked about feeling low and things drifting back to how they used to be…He thought that it would just continue to work and that the changes would be permanent …….)

What he wanted was to get it to start working again!!!

……….
Further dialogue------

Even though I thought that he understood that he needed to keep driving, it seemed that he hadn’t!

B
“……Oh, ……I meant to ask you on the phone to bring your success journal along Ian and completely forgot.

Never mind though, just from memory, can you recall a few recent entries from your journal?”

The success journal had been a powerful tool to get Ian to pay attention to and to focus on positives. At the end of each day he had made at least 4 entries of successes of the day or, alternatively of what I call endorphin moments from the day—feelgood moments!
Through it he had learned to filter differently and to notice himself feeling positive, happy and achieving success. He had begun to pay attention to all that was good and positive. It had also been a useful tool to help him develop the skill of reframing.
Ian
“Oh ( smile!) actually, I stopped keeping that after a while.

Now you mention it, it was a great way to keep a good focus. I know you said it was important but I just sort of drifted away from doing it. Not sure why really cos it was good and great to flick back through too. Why don’t I start it up again and I will email you some entries? “

………….

Further dialogue……

On the way now but no lightbulb moment as yet!

Bridget. “…………..Tell me about that long term IT project that you are leading at work….. What great movies have you been creating recently ? Give me some of the highlights!”

Ian
“They’re a bit fuzzy actually — Oh, I get it, you mean the visualisation stuff. I completely forgot about that.

I stopped doing that a while ago. I remember now when I worked with you before I used to get rid of the crappy pictures and worked on being Ian Spielberg — Director of my own internal movies! How did I forget that?”

We spent some time on this, changing pictures, reviewing, renewing and building skills!

Being aware of internal pictures, their impact and how to impact on state through changing internal pictures had been profoundly positive for Ian. He had stopped paying attention to this.

Nearly there!!

Bridget..." So Ian, how about internal dialogue---any old habits sneaked in there?"

Ian
“Not sure really, I guess so, haven’t really been aware of it so maybe. I have been thinking quite negatively recently so can we go over the ways to change it?

What was that mantra that worked so well?
I used it to get rid of the negative and kick start the positive voice inside—it’s all coming back now—
Hang on a minute

“Shut the ****up!!!!!” that was it –How could I forget that?!!!

I need to start tuning in to that stuff and sorting that out again”

During the session we gathered yet more evidence that Ian had stopped paying attention to feelings and how he was creating them. He had forgotten about creating great states, spinning feelings and all manner of other ways to drive that bus more purposefully and enjoyably.

He had, it turned out expected the bus to go where he wanted it to without paying attention to driving and had experienced disappointment!

Paying attention to his internal dialogue and it’s tonality etc had been a major breakthrough for Ian when we first worked together. He had learned several ways of changing this to great effect and again, had stopped using the tools that he had learned.

Nearly, so nearly there

Then, having taken several great steps in the right direction, we were finally ready for the most major learning of all……..

B
“So Ian, lets just recap here, what exactly was the “ IT ” that stopped working?”

“That,” he said with a twinkle in his eye,

“…..That would be me then---wouldn’t it?!!!!!

Wow. Thank you! “ And believe me the lightbulb moment was so profound and Ian’s smile so bright that between them, they could have powered the National Grid for months!

I knew he really had got back into the driving seat and intended to stay there when he winked as he added.

“ Shall I show you how to set up that photoframe now? You sneaky lady!!! “

Ian is now happily and skilfully driving his bus with a great map. He keeps in touch by email and has plans to become an NLP Practitioner in 2009!!

Since working with him I build his story in to working with other clients and now look for more concrete evidence that my clients have passed their driving test, are aware of the need to be purposeful behind the wheel and are on their way to becoming advanced drivers!

Bridget's blog takes shape

2009-10-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

Back again in a day!!

I have decided to use this blog to post articles, musings and stories in the arena of making positive change whether that be personal or professional!

So.......there will be content about success coaching, NLP and training with lots of great examples relating to change as well as links to other resources that may be of interest and value.
Let me know what you think!

Bridget
Keeping your success in mind.

2009-10-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe that it is more than 2 years since I posted. I have been so busy, I forgot that I had a blog!!!

I have recently co trained on the first module of a fabulous NLP Practitioner Programme with my very good friend Helen Golstein and the group have set up a blog. They are posting amazing content and it has prompted me to visit the world of blogging again!!

Watch this space. I may be inspired to write again before another 2 years passes!!!!!!