Do pop onto Facebook and join my new page. It is Keeping Happiness and Success in mind with Bridget Clapham and is there to share tips, quotes and ideas about Happiness and, you've guessed it, success!
We have over 100 members so far ranging from GCSE students to grown up folks from all areas of healthcare and business life.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Keeping-happiness-and-success-in-mind-with-Bridget-Clapham/170404099659502.
If the link doesn't work cut and paste to your browser or click on the link on the home page of my website by going to the top of the blog page!
I look forward to seeing you there!
Bridget
Bridget Clapham
...keeping your SUCCESS in mind!
01869 277 348
Thursday, 10 February 2011
Maps of the world, some ideas and explanations
Maps of the world and perceptions of others and self!
I have summarised some of the main ideas about maps of the world and considered how they relate to the way that we live!
Each of us has and in fact operates from our own unique “map of the world”
This is formed from our:-
• values – the things that really matter to us in life
• beliefs
• attitudes
• past experiences
• current experience
• skills
• knowledge
• personality
• attributes
• qualities
• hopes and goals.
The map, however is not the territory (there is always more than just our map)
The great thing is that, every moment of every day, as we experience new situations and continue to learn, the map gets bigger! Whether we like it or not!
Filters
Whenever we experience anything, in order to make sense of all of the inputs, the brain performs 3 functions.
So,of all the inputs to our senses (too many for the brain to process), some are:-
Deleted
Distorted
Generalised
This helps our experience to make sense to us and to fit, to some degree with the map that we already have.
How we filter differently as unique human beings
We experience and filter our experiences through our own unique map.
This can be easily understood by comparing experiences e.g. of a holiday with another individual who has been to the same resort or a work colleague who has been in the same meeting with us for 2 hours.
Each will have filtered differently and will give different accounts!
Relating to others, socially and in a work context
When we get on well with people, relate well to them, feel comfortable with them, and like them it is because there is significant overlap between maps. We may share core values, beliefs and have had similar experiences. If we meet people where few of these are shared, it is less likely that we will get on as well! In every relationship we are effectively seeking out and adding to the overlap!
The maps of the people you like admire and easily relate to will to a great extent mirror your own.
Building rapport and engaging with people is important in order to build an understanding and appreciation of their maps.
Sometimes we can spend a great deal of time with someone at work or socially and yet be very out of touch with each others maps
NB. The skill of perceptual positioning is important here and is valuable to develop the ability to do this easily.
Communicating with someone else who has a different map!
Remember that they will be filtering differently to you! This is particularly relevant to communication!
What have you distorted, deleted and generalised?
What is the other person distorting, deleting and generalising?
This is another whole topic…and yet we can easily realise that it is a miracle perhaps that we ever communicate effectively!
It is crucial to refine skills purposefully as this reduces the huge potential for mis understanding and mis communication!
• Learning what is in our own maps and in those of others,
• Extending our own maps and
• Finding or creating overlap with others
…………is all useful in relating effectively and successfully to others.
Whether we are communicating in a work or more personal context, the potential for success is greatly increased when we pay attention to all of the above!
So, spend some time exploring your own map, what are the values that drive you and what richness is there? HOw is your own map expanding, celebrate what you are learning and how you are developing as the amazing "work in progress" that you are! Notice how big the overlap is with people you get on well with and ..... The next time you find it tricky to get on with someone, notice what is different in your maps and then look for the overlap. Start there and expand it, you'll get better results that way and have much more fun!!
Happy map reading
Bridget :-)
I have summarised some of the main ideas about maps of the world and considered how they relate to the way that we live!
Each of us has and in fact operates from our own unique “map of the world”
This is formed from our:-
• values – the things that really matter to us in life
• beliefs
• attitudes
• past experiences
• current experience
• skills
• knowledge
• personality
• attributes
• qualities
• hopes and goals.
The map, however is not the territory (there is always more than just our map)
The great thing is that, every moment of every day, as we experience new situations and continue to learn, the map gets bigger! Whether we like it or not!
Filters
Whenever we experience anything, in order to make sense of all of the inputs, the brain performs 3 functions.
So,of all the inputs to our senses (too many for the brain to process), some are:-
Deleted
Distorted
Generalised
This helps our experience to make sense to us and to fit, to some degree with the map that we already have.
How we filter differently as unique human beings
We experience and filter our experiences through our own unique map.
This can be easily understood by comparing experiences e.g. of a holiday with another individual who has been to the same resort or a work colleague who has been in the same meeting with us for 2 hours.
Each will have filtered differently and will give different accounts!
Relating to others, socially and in a work context
When we get on well with people, relate well to them, feel comfortable with them, and like them it is because there is significant overlap between maps. We may share core values, beliefs and have had similar experiences. If we meet people where few of these are shared, it is less likely that we will get on as well! In every relationship we are effectively seeking out and adding to the overlap!
The maps of the people you like admire and easily relate to will to a great extent mirror your own.
Building rapport and engaging with people is important in order to build an understanding and appreciation of their maps.
Sometimes we can spend a great deal of time with someone at work or socially and yet be very out of touch with each others maps
NB. The skill of perceptual positioning is important here and is valuable to develop the ability to do this easily.
Communicating with someone else who has a different map!
Remember that they will be filtering differently to you! This is particularly relevant to communication!
What have you distorted, deleted and generalised?
What is the other person distorting, deleting and generalising?
This is another whole topic…and yet we can easily realise that it is a miracle perhaps that we ever communicate effectively!
It is crucial to refine skills purposefully as this reduces the huge potential for mis understanding and mis communication!
• Learning what is in our own maps and in those of others,
• Extending our own maps and
• Finding or creating overlap with others
…………is all useful in relating effectively and successfully to others.
Whether we are communicating in a work or more personal context, the potential for success is greatly increased when we pay attention to all of the above!
So, spend some time exploring your own map, what are the values that drive you and what richness is there? HOw is your own map expanding, celebrate what you are learning and how you are developing as the amazing "work in progress" that you are! Notice how big the overlap is with people you get on well with and ..... The next time you find it tricky to get on with someone, notice what is different in your maps and then look for the overlap. Start there and expand it, you'll get better results that way and have much more fun!!
Happy map reading
Bridget :-)
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
The power of words – Motivated to do things in 2011…or not?!
So, here we are in 2011. Wow, it seems as though it was yesterday that I wrote a blog article and it was October. I must resolve to post more often in 2011.
I wonder if I will?
The “must” word is, for me, an indicator that, in fact, I will still post infrequently.
The words we use are powerful and influence our conscious and unconscious minds far more than we think. In NLP we call the group of words below Modal Operators. For our purposes, we can think of them as fascinating influences on feelings and ultimately on behaviour!
Experiment.
Think of something that you have decided to do…at some point. It can be something very grown up and important such as create a new strategy for marketing or something simple such as putting up a shelf or doing the ironing. The task in itself is secondary.
Now pay attention to the words you use when you think about this task.
You may say to yourself :-
• I must do…
• I should do…
• I ought to do…
• I may do…
• I might do…
• I could do…
• I’ll try to do
• I Will do…
• I can do…
• I’m going to do…
Notice how each of those statements has a different impact on how you feel and indeed on your motivation level to get the job done.
Which is the least motivating?
Many people find that should and ought are low in motivation and even trigger polarity feelings of resistance and negativity toward the task.
A recent client observed that when he used these words about finishing an important work document “It’s sort of like someone else, like an old teacher is telling me what I SHOULD do and I think B****KS Why should I ?!!!!”
“I’ll try” is an almost certain signpost to inaction and, for me personally, in the case of the ironing a certainty that clothes will remain crumpled.
When clients tell me they will try to use the tools that they have learned, we extend the session to explore why the word has been used and get to a point where a different one springs to mind!!
Think about it. If you ask a teenager to tidy their room and they tell you that they will try to do it before the end of the month, you sort of know it won’t happen!
The brain responds differently to different words and try seems to be a small, innocent 3 letter word that gets the internal gremlins responding with “ Yeah, right, so THAT’S really going to happen then… NOT !”
How about you? Notice a similar effect?
Increased motivation?
Words such as could and might, for many people, increase the possibility of the job being done. Clients comment that they feel more in control and confident when they use these words.
The words that work best for me…. And it IS personal are “Will , can and top of my list…I’m going to!”
When I say to myself “I’m going to do the ironing….” its a done deal and I’m on my way, it is certain, already in motion somehow and feels strong and definite! Ironing, here I come.
Be mindful of the words you use on the inside, in your own thoughts, and on the outside when communicating with others. If part of your role is to motivate others, notice the impact of different words on first of all your, and then their state and on their behaviours.
Above all have fun with the power of words in 2011 !
So, where was I, ah yes, blogging in 2011, I’m going to post more often.
Now watch this space!
I wonder if I will?
The “must” word is, for me, an indicator that, in fact, I will still post infrequently.
The words we use are powerful and influence our conscious and unconscious minds far more than we think. In NLP we call the group of words below Modal Operators. For our purposes, we can think of them as fascinating influences on feelings and ultimately on behaviour!
Experiment.
Think of something that you have decided to do…at some point. It can be something very grown up and important such as create a new strategy for marketing or something simple such as putting up a shelf or doing the ironing. The task in itself is secondary.
Now pay attention to the words you use when you think about this task.
You may say to yourself :-
• I must do…
• I should do…
• I ought to do…
• I may do…
• I might do…
• I could do…
• I’ll try to do
• I Will do…
• I can do…
• I’m going to do…
Notice how each of those statements has a different impact on how you feel and indeed on your motivation level to get the job done.
Which is the least motivating?
Many people find that should and ought are low in motivation and even trigger polarity feelings of resistance and negativity toward the task.
A recent client observed that when he used these words about finishing an important work document “It’s sort of like someone else, like an old teacher is telling me what I SHOULD do and I think B****KS Why should I ?!!!!”
“I’ll try” is an almost certain signpost to inaction and, for me personally, in the case of the ironing a certainty that clothes will remain crumpled.
When clients tell me they will try to use the tools that they have learned, we extend the session to explore why the word has been used and get to a point where a different one springs to mind!!
Think about it. If you ask a teenager to tidy their room and they tell you that they will try to do it before the end of the month, you sort of know it won’t happen!
The brain responds differently to different words and try seems to be a small, innocent 3 letter word that gets the internal gremlins responding with “ Yeah, right, so THAT’S really going to happen then… NOT !”
How about you? Notice a similar effect?
Increased motivation?
Words such as could and might, for many people, increase the possibility of the job being done. Clients comment that they feel more in control and confident when they use these words.
The words that work best for me…. And it IS personal are “Will , can and top of my list…I’m going to!”
When I say to myself “I’m going to do the ironing….” its a done deal and I’m on my way, it is certain, already in motion somehow and feels strong and definite! Ironing, here I come.
Be mindful of the words you use on the inside, in your own thoughts, and on the outside when communicating with others. If part of your role is to motivate others, notice the impact of different words on first of all your, and then their state and on their behaviours.
Above all have fun with the power of words in 2011 !
So, where was I, ah yes, blogging in 2011, I’m going to post more often.
Now watch this space!
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
The joy of change work!
Today I experienced what can only be described as authentic and total satisfaction and a renewed conviction that I have what is, for me, the best job/role/way of earning a living that exists on the planet.
Whilst I spend a great deal of my time working with leaders and mangers in corporate land, I also have a private practice where anyone can come to work with me to achieve positive changes.
Today a lovely young lady came to see me with a dog phobia which had affected her life in many challenging ways.
Needless to say she left without it!
I put all that I have learned about human behaviour in 30 years of working with people together with some of the amazing techniques that emerged and evolve in the field of NLP and within a very short period of time, the young lady was sitting on the floor in my kitchen, playing with and stroking and wondering at the beauty of Bonny, our Golden Retriever.
There was a mixture of reframing, of belief change, of strategy elicitation and reprogramming with some fabulous state management and hey presto, in a very conversational and relaxed way, with lots of laughter, profound changes occurred.
The smile on her face as she played with Bonny and exclaimed. I can't believe I am doing this....look at me!!!!" was a joy to behold. I'm not sure who had the sunniest smile!!!
Thanks to phone technology she has photos to show her friends and family and may even change her FB profile picture ( Bonny has always wanted a modelling career!)
Anyone else got a fear or phobia they would like to be rid of?
It would be a privilege and a pleasure!
Bridget
Keeping your success in mind!
Whilst I spend a great deal of my time working with leaders and mangers in corporate land, I also have a private practice where anyone can come to work with me to achieve positive changes.
Today a lovely young lady came to see me with a dog phobia which had affected her life in many challenging ways.
Needless to say she left without it!
I put all that I have learned about human behaviour in 30 years of working with people together with some of the amazing techniques that emerged and evolve in the field of NLP and within a very short period of time, the young lady was sitting on the floor in my kitchen, playing with and stroking and wondering at the beauty of Bonny, our Golden Retriever.
There was a mixture of reframing, of belief change, of strategy elicitation and reprogramming with some fabulous state management and hey presto, in a very conversational and relaxed way, with lots of laughter, profound changes occurred.
The smile on her face as she played with Bonny and exclaimed. I can't believe I am doing this....look at me!!!!" was a joy to behold. I'm not sure who had the sunniest smile!!!
Thanks to phone technology she has photos to show her friends and family and may even change her FB profile picture ( Bonny has always wanted a modelling career!)
Anyone else got a fear or phobia they would like to be rid of?
It would be a privilege and a pleasure!
Bridget
Keeping your success in mind!
Friday, 20 August 2010
A Level Rollercoaster- what next?
As I write this I am aware of all those on the academic rollercoaster around A level results.
It's an emotional ride as those who have ridden before or are currently on board can experience. If it were at a theme park there would be a noticeable lack of people in the queue I'm guessing.
Some have a great ride filled with fabulous adrenaline rushes and amazing feelings and get off filled with anticipation about the next attraction! For many this will be university and for those who had a great experience of the A level Rollercoaster, they will have a fast pass that ensures them a place on the university ride of their choice. Parents will be proud and relieved and teachers will be proud and satisfied that the ride was positive for the students.
Other young people have a less positive experience of the A level rollercoaster. they get off at the end, feeling that they queued endlessly and committed to the ride yet had a horrendous time and have ended up disappointed, disillusioned and with a whirl of negative adrenaline feelings of anxiety, fear and panic.
For these students there is no fast pass to the university ride of choice. They may have to settle for a university ride that they had never seriously thought of going on or have to wait endlessly in queues for rides which they know nothing about.
These students need support and help to plan which queue to join and what choices to make.
For many of these students it is worth calling the Uni that was first choice just to see whether they can get in without the fast pass. It does happen!
Schools and colleges can be of help. The teachers who know the students well can help them negotiate through initial choices and come up with a plan which at least shows them which rides are open to them.
UCAS has a helpline and connexions are excellent at exploring options with students.
Parents are hugely important in helping their children keep perspective, stay calm and negotiate the rest of the experience with a sense of confidence and positivity.
So, if you know someone who has just got off the A level Rollercoaster, be supportive and positive whatever their experience and help to make sure that whatever happens next, they realise that there is a world filled with opportunities just waiting for them, when they are ready to see!
If you want to involve an experienced and specialist coach in helping a student to explore ideas and make choices, give me a call on 07703552174.
Wishing each and every student success and happiness so that they can look back on the ride as having been worth the wait and effort!
Bridget
It's an emotional ride as those who have ridden before or are currently on board can experience. If it were at a theme park there would be a noticeable lack of people in the queue I'm guessing.
Some have a great ride filled with fabulous adrenaline rushes and amazing feelings and get off filled with anticipation about the next attraction! For many this will be university and for those who had a great experience of the A level Rollercoaster, they will have a fast pass that ensures them a place on the university ride of their choice. Parents will be proud and relieved and teachers will be proud and satisfied that the ride was positive for the students.
Other young people have a less positive experience of the A level rollercoaster. they get off at the end, feeling that they queued endlessly and committed to the ride yet had a horrendous time and have ended up disappointed, disillusioned and with a whirl of negative adrenaline feelings of anxiety, fear and panic.
For these students there is no fast pass to the university ride of choice. They may have to settle for a university ride that they had never seriously thought of going on or have to wait endlessly in queues for rides which they know nothing about.
These students need support and help to plan which queue to join and what choices to make.
For many of these students it is worth calling the Uni that was first choice just to see whether they can get in without the fast pass. It does happen!
Schools and colleges can be of help. The teachers who know the students well can help them negotiate through initial choices and come up with a plan which at least shows them which rides are open to them.
UCAS has a helpline and connexions are excellent at exploring options with students.
Parents are hugely important in helping their children keep perspective, stay calm and negotiate the rest of the experience with a sense of confidence and positivity.
So, if you know someone who has just got off the A level Rollercoaster, be supportive and positive whatever their experience and help to make sure that whatever happens next, they realise that there is a world filled with opportunities just waiting for them, when they are ready to see!
If you want to involve an experienced and specialist coach in helping a student to explore ideas and make choices, give me a call on 07703552174.
Wishing each and every student success and happiness so that they can look back on the ride as having been worth the wait and effort!
Bridget
Friday, 13 August 2010
Freedom to be
Some may notice a paradox in the existence of this post!
We have just returned from 2 weeks blissful time out in Turkey- Lovely Villa, great pool, great food and company.
The only form of communication was personal!! We decided to make the holiday a social networking/internet free zone. So, no Twitter, no blogs, no facebook ( how did the girls cope??!!) no on line, no TV, no DVDs, no email.
So I hear you gasp in horror what on earth did you do? Two parents and two teenage girls.
We talked, we laughed, we told stories, we told jokes ( badly) we played cards, we played games, we sunbathed, we swam and we read , oh how we read!!
Did we miss our electronic gadgets and communications? Not one bit.
The other thing that I found was that I had space, time to think!
Time to just be......
Now we are back and modern technology has returned, well, as you can see I am blogging!
Mind you, what I realised, whilst in my techno free cocoon is that I can create it anywhere and at any time. We get so used to automatically using the technology that I think we sometimes forget that there is life and indeed a rich life without it from time to time!
I for one will be choosing to switch off the technology more often.
Just off to get my book!
Have a great weekend
Bridget :-)
We have just returned from 2 weeks blissful time out in Turkey- Lovely Villa, great pool, great food and company.
The only form of communication was personal!! We decided to make the holiday a social networking/internet free zone. So, no Twitter, no blogs, no facebook ( how did the girls cope??!!) no on line, no TV, no DVDs, no email.
So I hear you gasp in horror what on earth did you do? Two parents and two teenage girls.
We talked, we laughed, we told stories, we told jokes ( badly) we played cards, we played games, we sunbathed, we swam and we read , oh how we read!!
Did we miss our electronic gadgets and communications? Not one bit.
The other thing that I found was that I had space, time to think!
Time to just be......
Now we are back and modern technology has returned, well, as you can see I am blogging!
Mind you, what I realised, whilst in my techno free cocoon is that I can create it anywhere and at any time. We get so used to automatically using the technology that I think we sometimes forget that there is life and indeed a rich life without it from time to time!
I for one will be choosing to switch off the technology more often.
Just off to get my book!
Have a great weekend
Bridget :-)
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Grand Prix metaphors and managing pressure to avoid stress!
Whilst working with a very stressed client a powerful metaphor occured to me. The client loves motorsport ( important fact the value of which will become clear)
The client was anxious, having trouble sleeping and looping around in very negative thinking patterns about work. His level of self confidence was rock bottom. High levels of performance were being expected of him and he was working 15 hour days ( yes 15 hours) and taking work home at evenings and weekends. This enabled him just about to keep his head above water although he was exhausted, knew his performance was slipping and yet could see no way out.
He agreed with my analogy , on the hamster wheel and going too fast to think about ways to slow it down or get off!
Work life balance- NONE!
I coached him using various NLP tools and techniques to eneble him to regain a sense of control an dindeed to experience one such as he had never done before.
To begin with his own panicky internal dialogue was so loud most of what I said was lost.
So-- I talked about Formula 1, Grand Prix and his love of and passion for motorsport. He lit up as he talked about drivers, circuits and cars! All of which I happily admitted I knew very little about yet was pleased that his endorphin levels were increasing and his brain chemistry was changing before my very eyes!
We talked about the intricacy of these high performance cars and the sophisticated engineering, the care and attention and skill that is needed to build and importantly to maintain them.
Servicing is vital and attention paid to every nut bolt, tyre and panel. They are nurtured and serviced before a race and then during, pit stops are of paramount importance to make sure that the car is performing to it's highest level.
At this point I said, so, and back to you then!
He smiled as the light bulb went on!
Now we could move forward!
Have you had your pit stop today?
Enjoy your week
Bridget
The client was anxious, having trouble sleeping and looping around in very negative thinking patterns about work. His level of self confidence was rock bottom. High levels of performance were being expected of him and he was working 15 hour days ( yes 15 hours) and taking work home at evenings and weekends. This enabled him just about to keep his head above water although he was exhausted, knew his performance was slipping and yet could see no way out.
He agreed with my analogy , on the hamster wheel and going too fast to think about ways to slow it down or get off!
Work life balance- NONE!
I coached him using various NLP tools and techniques to eneble him to regain a sense of control an dindeed to experience one such as he had never done before.
To begin with his own panicky internal dialogue was so loud most of what I said was lost.
So-- I talked about Formula 1, Grand Prix and his love of and passion for motorsport. He lit up as he talked about drivers, circuits and cars! All of which I happily admitted I knew very little about yet was pleased that his endorphin levels were increasing and his brain chemistry was changing before my very eyes!
We talked about the intricacy of these high performance cars and the sophisticated engineering, the care and attention and skill that is needed to build and importantly to maintain them.
Servicing is vital and attention paid to every nut bolt, tyre and panel. They are nurtured and serviced before a race and then during, pit stops are of paramount importance to make sure that the car is performing to it's highest level.
At this point I said, so, and back to you then!
He smiled as the light bulb went on!
Now we could move forward!
Have you had your pit stop today?
Enjoy your week
Bridget
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