The Power of it. Bridget Clapham NLP article from purenlp May 09

The Power of it!
( Who is driving the bus?)


A client ( Ian ) rang recently to book a follow up session as he wanted to “top up” and review work we had done earlier in the year.

“I need to come and see you again…the problem is---it’s stopped working!”

“Ooooooh”, I said — and then followed up with – “what exactly has stopped working?”

“The NLP” he said in earnest.

“The thing is after I saw you before, things were so much better. I felt more confident, much more positive and I was achieving an amazing amount. I was happier and getting so much done as well as having more fun. Problem is, as I said, it has stopped working. Things have slipped back to more how they used to be. I can’t understand what’s happened.”

When I had worked with Ian earlier in the year he had made amazing changes. He had had habits of focusing on the negative, listening to an unhelpful critical and demeaning internal dialogue and, much of the time, making crappy pictures of past, present and future. This had resulted in him feeling unhappy, drifting along without a sense of achievement and having difficulties relating to others in personal and professional life. In short he had felt stuck.

Through working together for just a couple of coaching sessions, he firstly identified what it was he wanted (he had never really thought about that one before!!) and had started using some fabulous NLP tools to run his brain better with great effects.

He had, as I remembered, been amazed that, in such a short space of time, he could make so many positive changes. He was happier, liked himself more, had more focus was experiencing better relationships with people and he had started getting great results at work.

All my clients get a manual for change which is a personal summary of the tools and techniques that they have learned and are using with great effects. It serves as a personal “Highway Code” and “Bus Driving Manual” to help them continue the work they have begun with me.

The concern that I had had at the time was that Ian hadn’t quite got the message that it was his brain to run and that the choices and the tools were his to make and use for the duration.

When he rang, I suspected that Ian, having learned that he could be a better driver of his bus, had put the manual to the back of his mind where it was gathering dust as old routes were being revisited as he slipped back into old habits.

So, with his surprised exclamation that “It has stopped working” Here was the evidence that led me to suspect that he had indeed slipped back into old habits, was making different choices and, in short, needed reminding that he was driving the bus!


He came to the session full of curiosity and a degree of confusion about why the NLP wasn’t working any more and a strong desire to get it working again!

Before we started (?!) I was chatting (?!) to Ian about various things and showed him the digital photo frame I had been given for my recent birthday.
The thing was still in the box up on the shelf, because, although I had had the instructions, I couldn’t find the sheet and so the technology was sitting there unused. He is a technical guy and kindly offered to set it up for me. I thanked him yet asked him, instead, to show me later how to do set it up so that I could do it for myself in the future and change things when I needed to!

I apologised for digressing and we got started!

This is a remembered transcript of selected parts of the rest of the session! I have missed lots out as I wanted to focus on the major learning! I wanted him to work out for himself the true nature of “it”.


Ian “I can’t understand it. Things were going so well and life was so much better. In between our sessions and for a couple of months afterwards everything was great but it has definitely stopped working so here I am!”
This is a common problem where people fail to realise that NLP itself is a nominalization.
B “So, what is it that has stopped working Ian?”

Ian Very serious………“The NLP.”

( I asked Ian how he knew this and he talked about feeling low and things drifting back to how they used to be…He thought that it would just continue to work and that the changes would be permanent …….)

What he wanted was to get it to start working again!!!

……….
Further dialogue------


Even though I thought that he understood that he needed to keep driving, it seemed that he hadn’t!

B
“……Oh, ……I meant to ask you on the phone to bring your success journal along Ian and completely forgot.

Never mind though, just from memory, can you recall a few recent entries from your journal?”


The success journal had been a powerful tool to get Ian to pay attention to and to focus on positives. At the end of each day he had made at least 4 entries of successes of the day or, alternatively of what I call endorphin moments from the day—feelgood moments!
Through it he had learned to filter differently and to notice himself feeling positive, happy and achieving success. He had begun to pay attention to all that was good and positive. It had also been a useful tool to help him develop the skill of reframing.
Ian
“Oh ( smile!) actually, I stopped keeping that after a while.

Now you mention it, it was a great way to keep a good focus. I know you said it was important but I just sort of drifted away from doing it. Not sure why really cos it was good and great to flick back through too. Why don’t I start it up again and I will email you some entries? “

………….


Further dialogue……


On the way now but no lightbulb moment as yet!

Bridget. “…………..Tell me about that long term IT project that you are leading at work….. What great movies have you been creating recently ? Give me some of the highlights!”

Ian
“They’re a bit fuzzy actually — Oh, I get it, you mean the visualisation stuff. I completely forgot about that.

I stopped doing that a while ago. I remember now when I worked with you before I used to get rid of the crappy pictures and worked on being Ian Spielberg — Director of my own internal movies! How did I forget that?”

We spent some time on this, changing pictures, reviewing, renewing and building skills!



Being aware of internal pictures, their impact and how to impact on state through changing internal pictures had been profoundly positive for Ian. He had stopped paying attention to this.


Nearly there!!


Bridget..." So Ian, how about internal dialogue---any old habits sneaked in there?"


Ian
“Not sure really, I guess so, haven’t really been aware of it so maybe. I have been thinking quite negatively recently so can we go over the ways to change it?

What was that mantra that worked so well?
I used it to get rid of the negative and kick start the positive voice inside—it’s all coming back now—
Hang on a minute


“Shut the ****up!!!!!” that was it –How could I forget that?!!!

I need to start tuning in to that stuff and sorting that out again”


During the session we gathered yet more evidence that Ian had stopped paying attention to feelings and how he was creating them. He had forgotten about creating great states, spinning feelings and all manner of other ways to drive that bus more purposefully and enjoyably.

He had, it turned out expected the bus to go where he wanted it to without paying attention to driving and had experienced disappointment!


Paying attention to his internal dialogue and it’s tonality etc had been a major breakthrough for Ian when we first worked together. He had learned several ways of changing this to great effect and again, had stopped using the tools that he had learned.


Nearly, so nearly there


Then, having taken several great steps in the right direction, we were finally ready for the most major learning of all……..

B
“So Ian, lets just recap here, what exactly was the “ IT ” that stopped working?”

“That,” he said with a twinkle in his eye,

“…..That would be me then---wouldn’t it?!!!!!

Wow. Thank you! “ And believe me the lightbulb moment was so profound and Ian’s smile so bright that between them, they could have powered the National Grid for months!



I knew he really had got back into the driving seat and intended to stay there when he winked as he added.

“ Shall I show you how to set up that photoframe now? You sneaky lady!!! “



Ian is now happily and skilfully driving his bus with a great map. He keeps in touch by email and has plans to become an NLP Practitioner in 2009!!


Since working with him I build his story in to working with other clients and now look for more concrete evidence that my clients have passed their driving test, are aware of the need to be purposeful behind the wheel and are on their way to becoming advanced drivers!